THE IDLE AMERICAN: When ‘tangues’ get ‘toungled’

We’ve always heard about how tiny errors can foster various responses, ranging from serious misunderstanding to thigh-slapping laughter.

Hitting the keyboard’s “I” instead of the intended “o” caused chuckles recently. Reading an advertisement for funeral home employment, a radio announcer listed requisites for the job.

“Must be able to ease the grieving process for live ones,” he said, quickly changing to, “I meant, loved ones.” …

Many Texans could complete college degrees in the time it takes to be served at Texas Drivers’ License offices.

Even simplest requests require appointments to be made months in advance. The system is broken, and all I have heard suggests that a “fix” is nowhere in sight. Now, the “blame spotlight” is cast on computers.

A while back, I learned that I’d need to make an appointment some three months ahead in order to make a simple change on my driver’s license. …

To the computer I went, perusing communities that have DPS offices, even if for only a few hours each month.

With a trip to Lubbock upcoming, I checked on Floydada, a small town en route, learning that a DPS representative would be there on the day of my trip. Upon arrival, I was “next up” at the DPS office.

Within 10 minutes, the task was accomplished; my new driver’s license came in the mail about 10 days later. …

How many among us have chipped nails, broken pencil leads or worn ends of index fingers plumb off listening to recorded messages, urging us to stay on the phone?

“Your call is very important to us. However, due to heavy call volume, you may experience a delay.” We often hear such multiple times.

Just once, I’d like to hear another message, like, “Due to reduced call volume, most of our agents aren’t busy helping other customers. You will be served immediately.” …

It’s fun to hear unusual names, particularly in the world of sports.

How about Jonah Bride, who plays professional baseball for the Oakland Athletics?

His name has intrigued sportswriters, one of whom suggested, “…Never a bridesmaid but always a Bride.” …

I’ve never been certain about how to differentiate boats from ships. Until now, that is.

Google claims that a boat must be less than 40 feet long and weigh less than 40 tons. Longer or heavier vessels qualify for designation as ships.

I guess I’m up the creek without a paddle—or sailing down the river on Sunday afternoons—on boats. Too much information, right? …

One last thing about “getting it right.” Football coaches today employ some expressions their fathers and grandfathers used.

Here’s one: Questioned by reporters on topics they can’t immediately answer, coaches lean on this response: “We won’t know about that until we see the film.”

They haven’t “filmed” games for decades. The process is digitized now, and I guess it would sound silly if they answered, “until we see the digits.” By the time they get this one right, games will be recorded in some new manner where digits don’t come into play, but AI (artificial intelligence) may. …

A young father faced frustration in helping his six-year-old son learn how to display his age by holding up his fingers and thumb.

The youngster had mastered the technique in years two through five. He was foggy, though, about also using his other hand. To him, this was advanced math!

Now, Dad is wondering when he should break the news that when he reaches age 11, he’ll need to take one shoe off. …

Numbers will keep going up, but for now, they’re saying that 70,000 “participants” were “mudded in” by the heavy rains that blanketed the usually dry desert in Black Rock, NV.

It’ll shoot into hundreds of thousands later when stories are spun for grandchildren.

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but at rally’s end near Black Rock, they likely feared that what happens in the desert stays there, too!