An old Chinese proverb goes a little like this: When you seek revenge, you’d best dig two graves.
Mr. Johnny Depp is suing Ms. Amber Heard over a piece she published in The Washington Post in 2018 about abuse; she said she was a “public figure representing domestic abuse.” Mr. Depp was not named in the piece, but he said it was clearly about him. He said that it cost him $50 million in some of that sweet Pirates of the Caribbean 18 money he could have made. The couple filed for divorce in 2016, which had a lot to do with these irreconcilable claims.
Depp made a lot of money for a just OK actor. Forbes Magazine named him the most overpaid actor two years in a row. Nicholas Cage had to be thinking, “What more am I going to have to do to win that?”
A few years ago, Johnny Depp jokingly implied he was John Wilkes Booth and fantasized about assassinating President Trump. It would have been his first hit in eight years.
In his current trial testimony, Mr. Depp denied ever striking Ms. Heard and argued that she was abusive to him. The jury is simultaneously considering a defamation countersuit by Ms. Heard against Mr. Depp.
I keep hoping Will Smith will enter the courtroom and slap both of them and their attorneys for not settling this thing before we were made to watch it. Like most of Depp’s movies, this trial was hard to watch. And what Amber did to those bed sheets makes R. Kelly look like a piker.
This trial is a study in what happens when complex court claims are sorted through the lenses of celebrity and social media. According to the couple’s testimony, their marriage was a drug-fueled, dysfunctional, Depp show. They spent lots of money of high-quality cocaine; in fact, their cocaine was so white, police let it go with just a warning.
Johnny Depp has no history of violence. His only arrest was for wearing too many brightly colored scarfs in Kentucky, a misdemeanor. Depp was a slow starter; he is 59 years old, and Amber Heard is 36. Like other liberal Democrats like Bill Clinton, Anthony Weiner and Jeffrey Epstein, Depp did not have his first high school girlfriend until he was forty.
This case is more about revenge for Heard and money for Depp. Apparently in Hollywood, you can be a drunk, illegal drug abuser and a total jerk, but it cannot be said that you ever hit a woman. Remember, this is the industry that harbored Harvey Weinstein — until it couldn’t.
As the great back mountain Tennessee philosopher, Grant Caldwell, says, “Don’t be putting your business in the street.” This Depp/Heard case is ugly and there are no winners, except the attorneys, of course. The longer it goes on, the more money they make, which is why few things like this settle. There is an oath that lawyers take: They will litigate anything until their client runs out of money to pay them.
This deal cost Johnny Depp untold movie opportunities; for Heard there is little downside. As I said last week, given such potty testimony she might get a gig as spokesperson for Chanel Number Two. Other than that, this whole thing is just lose/lose. We Americans feel dirty just having to watch it.
The only time Johnny Depp could sleep safely in their bed was when he had COVID and lost his sense of smell. Now that is Heard Immunity.
Depp is clearly more likeable and funnier. I am just not sure how a guy from Owensboro, KY got one of them “actor semi-British accents.” Perhaps he did a movie with Madonna or Tina Turner.
With the stock market and economy falling apart due to Biden’s dopey inflationary policies that hurt average Americans, it is sad that most of the nation is focused on this sleazy trial. Gas prices are so high that multi-millionaires Depp and Heard might have to carpool to the courtroom next week.
Amber broke up Depp’s first marriage and she seems to have a history. Her nick- name is “Easy Amber.” If Johnny had any good friends, when he met her he should have gotten an Amber Alert from them.
Amber Heard took the stand this past week and said Depp threw drug-fueled temper tantrums. The lesson here is simple: Forbidden drugs and relationships with volatile women do not mix. So just stay with the drugs and you will be all right.
