A SHARP LIFE: Marriage: Embrace the simplicity

Last weekend my wife and I celebrated our twelfth anniversary. Twelve years of marriage does not make one an expert on the subject, but I would like to think that in our dozen years of marital bliss I have learned a thing or two. So, rather than keeping all of my marital wisdom to myself today’s column features four things I’ve learned in twelve years of marriage — two for men, and two for women.

Husbands, when your wife says that the house is dirty, the house is dirty. Don’t question it, don’t grapple with the definition of dirty, don’t have an existential meltdown over what exactly dirt is anyway, just get a vacuum and go to work. You probably have different definitions of dirty, and let me help you out, yours doesn’t count.

Wives, when your husbands can’t remember the two, and only two things you asked him to get at the store, don’t take it personally. He has a lot on his mind, like pondering whether the designated hitter really is good for baseball, trying to remember where he left his favorite hat and wondering if you will notice that stain on the carpet. Yes, that stain that you noticed immediately but have been gracious enough to hold off asking about for a while.

Husbands, figure out what your wife likes and invest in it. Maybe it is a piece of cake from a particular bakery, maybe it is a particular author’s books, or maybe it is just a morning cup of coffee. Regardless of what it is, keep it coming. Over the course of our marriage this has shifted a number of times. As of this writing I primarily make sure that her coffee is ready when she gets back from the gym every morning. I get credit for being a loving husband, she gets her morning cup of coffee, it’s a win-win.

Wives, your husband may have a little (or a lot) of growing up to do, or he may be a mature, well-adjusted, fully-functioning member of society. Either way you need to know that emotionally he just doesn’t have the same range that you do. If emotions were like colors you are that wall in the paint section of Lowes that has a few thousand colors, including 8 dozen blues. Your husband, well he pretty much has the standard rainbow colors, and that’s it. When he always describes things as either happy, sad, or mad that’s because that’s all he’s got in an emotional color wheel. Embrace the simplicity.

This list could go on and on, but this column does have a word limit, which I passed 35 words ago. And my wife just said the kitchen was dirty, so I’ve got other things to do.