By Connie Garcia-Ball, MA, LPC
What does it mean when we say “no” to someone? We frequently believe that saying no to people can sound rude, make us appear unreliable, feel like we are letting them down, or cause others to distance themselves from us. There are plenty of situations in our lives that cause us to feel conflicting emotions such as anxiety, frustration, guilt, or a fear of rejection from others when to say no to something we truly do not want to do.
Saying no can also make us feel selfish at times especially when we see others struggling with their lives. What happens when we do get to our breaking point after helping our loved ones or we receive an obstacle in our own lives that we need to repair or heal from before we can help anyone else? This is when we need to allow ourselves to take initiative with our own lives and believe in what we need at that moment. It is not selfish to fill up our glass with self-care and rest before we aid anyone else.
The question is… how do we assert boundaries for ourselves and for others who assume or expect so much from us and simultaneously not feel as though we are letting them down?
CREATE A FRIENDSHIP WITH YOUR BOUNDARIES
Choose to make boundaries a priority in your life just as you do with other friendships/relationships that are valuable to you. Practice saying no by allowing yourself to befriend your decisions enough to feel comfortable and stick to them.
GIVE APPROPRIATE REASONS WITHOUT EXPLANATION
Sayings that can help give a response without having to explain yourself:
“No thank you.”
“Thanks for thinking of me but I won’t be able to do that.”
“Check back with me after a couple of weeks.”
“I am cutting back on my number of commitments right now.”
“I am not comfortable with that.”
“Good idea. Let me think about it and get back to you.”
“I have already committed to do something else that day.”
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, this is a significant time to fight the stigma and pressure of fulfilling others’ demands and give yourself the chance to fulfill your own with self-care. Your mental health maintenance is valid and necessary. If Samaritan Counseling Center can be of assistance, please give us call at (432) 563-4144.
