Are you a people pleaser or have a people pleaser personality type? If you have a People-Pleasing Pattern, you often try to be who others want you to be, to agree with them, to fit in. You may not be consciously aware that you are doing this, but there is a part of your mind that wants to please others in order to avoid reactions that you are afraid of.
A people pleasing personality gives a lot of value to pleasing others. A people pleaser’s primary intention is to be liked and appreciated by the people they please. They also strive for peace and harmony in their relationships. Personality patterns aren’t the same as personality types. If you have this pattern, it doesn’t mean that you are always a People-Pleaser just that a part of you is.
The need to care for others is based on a fear of being rejected by people. If the people pleaser can’t do everything they can for someone else to make them happy, then maybe that person will stop being a friend or not consider them to be family any more. They can stand up for themselves at times, but those times are rare occasions when things have gotten out of control. People pleasers will do what you ask them to do, almost regardless of how they feel about it. You may be pleasing only with certain people or in certain situations.
Nevertheless, you can be a people pleaser and not actually please people or be a pushover. Some individuals are just dedicated to supporting their family and loved ones.
People Pleaser Patterns
- Tend to neglect themselves.
- Disengage with the world around them.
- Avoid being honest with others.
- Difficulty saying no.
- Avoid conflict and getting angry.
- Never express true feelings.
Many people confuse people pleasing with being charitable toward others. These individuals will also put others before themselves. People pleasing can begin with good intentions but it will end up having a negative effect on them. Being a people pleaser isn’t essentially a bad thing, but far too often the negative traits of this personality type tend to rule. In addition it ends up upsetting the health, emotional stability, and whole lifestyle of the people pleaser. People pleasers don’t need to behave this way all the time, they can learn to:
- Make feelings and needs known.
- Establish personal boundaries.
- Use their power to say “no.”
People pleasers can make a positive impact on the world when they are able to set boundaries and then stick to them. They need to know that there are times when the best person to please is themselves and there is no reason to feel guilty because of it.