• December 11, 2019

A SHARP LIFE: Is anyone wearing the pants? - Odessa American: Local Columns

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A SHARP LIFE: Is anyone wearing the pants?

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Posted: Sunday, November 10, 2019 5:00 am

As I see it, there are two big dangers with including my children in my writing as I tend to do.

First, there will no doubt come a day when they seek payback and they all write columns about how their senile dad doesn’t know how to work the flying car. Some parents would dread this stage of life, but I am looking forward to it because I will be paying them back as well. While they are writing columns about their crazy old dad, I’ll be walking into a room full of guests without any clothes on just to hear what it sounds like to be on the receiving end of a panicked, “Where are your pants?”

Second, since I refer to all of my children by a nickname in my writings, as they grow and change I will need to change the nickname from time to time. We’ve already seen this happen with our third child. At 2 years old, she was the Demolitions Expert, due mainly to her propensity to destroy Christmas tree ornaments, but now at 4 she is our Fashionista, full of life and fashion opinions.

As a side note, before I became a parent I never envisioned that I would discipline a cute little girl by taking away dresses from her, but here we are.

Which brings me to the youngest of our four Sharpnadoes. When he was born, I was already writing about my family so I didn’t have the luxury of letting some of his personality play out before I labeled him with a playful moniker. Since he was our fourth child and second boy, I took to calling him the Jedi, because he brought balance to the Sharp family force.

As he has grown, though, the Jedi nickname hasn’t been a bad fit, but with him feeling his twos these days we are seeing more of his personality. And so as of today the Jedi nickname is being retired. Who knows, maybe in time he becomes more Jedi-like, but going forward (just imagine a drum-roll in your head) he has been christened the 2-year-old Slugger.

This kid will stand in the living room with a toy bat and expect you to pitch to him for hours at a time. He also has a bad habit of swinging the bat at people’s heads when they displease him (pray for us), something we are working to teach him not to do.

I just hope he stops hitting people with bats before I have to move in with him when I am old and start walking around without pants.

Odessa, TX

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