• May 26, 2020

MILLER: Good-bye to where the sun doesn’t shine - Odessa American: Nathaniel Miller

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MILLER: Good-bye to where the sun doesn’t shine

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Posted: Sunday, December 1, 2019 6:00 am

Some people can talk out of both sides of their mouth. Some people can talk up a storm.

But lately, most people have been talking out of their, well, backsides.

In a new fad that continues to show that humans do not deserve to be contacted by a higher intelligence in the universe, people are taking to social media to talk about “perineum sunning,” or sunning the area of your body where the sun is supposedly not supposed to shine.

“Influencers” on social media – also known as the people on Instagram who somehow get to take permanent vacations while the rest of us work – say that sunning the area in the back of your body for about 30 seconds helps improve mental and overall health.

It is true physicians recommend Vitamin D from the sun to help improve your health, but they don’t recommend getting a buttload of it. Instead, they advise about 15 minutes and during certain times, and anything longer than that to use sunscreen.

Most of us would be OK with removing our shirts at the pool to get some sunlight during the warmer months, but I cannot think of a single person OK with the idea of going outside first thing in the morning and seeing their neighbor doubled-over with legs in the air.

Call me old-fashioned, but I still feel the best way to start the morning is with a cup of coffee instead of a sunshine enema.

The idea is not something new, the jobless wonders will tell you. The idea of direct sunlight comes from a book called “The Tao of Sexology: The Book of Infinite Wisdom.” The practice, the book claims, helps keep your area “healthy and free of germs.”

While Taoism is a philosophy about the observance of the natural world, I feel Lao Tzu never intended for the natural world to include a Spring Break-type sunburn to an area of sensitive skin. I’m also not a doctor, but I don’t believe sunlight is supposed to keep the area free of germs.

While the book is cited as where the information comes from, it’s an idea so preposterous, it sounds like it was made up by a troll farm in Russia. Wait, or is it from Ukraine?

The thing about fads is they come and go like the wind. One day people are talking about one thing, and then in a week, something new and more outlandish comes up and the public conscious moves on to the next thing.

There’s been a lot of fads out there that people still cannot explain: “The Office,” Rubiks Cubes, “Pokemon Go,” and lava lamps. Some people have fond memories of those items. Some people do not have fond memories of those items, and cannot believe they were actually popular.

In a few days, this will all blow away like hot air and our attention will be focused on another thing. The people on the internet will continue to spread misinformation on the internet, and our attention will be on debunking what’s real and what isn’t.

The only thing we can probably agree on is the people spending too much time on social media should be encouraged to get outside a little bit more often. Hopefully, fully clothed.

Odessa, TX

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