• August 21, 2019

A SHARP LIFE: Darn kids ruin parenting theories - Odessa American: Opinions

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A SHARP LIFE: Darn kids ruin parenting theories

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Posted: Sunday, July 21, 2019 6:30 am

Dealing with bodily functions is one of the core functions of a parent of small humans. There are days when this is such a prevalent part of parenting that it feels like dealing with bodily functions is the sum total of your existence on this planet. When you are in the throes of this stage of parenting, almost every parent feels that if they were to die unexpectedly their children would see to it that their most often used phrase, such as “Tee-tee or poo-poo?” is placed on their gravestone.

This, like everything else in parenting, is multiplied with each kid. When you’ve got one kid and they sneeze you hardly notice. When you’ve got four and one of them sneezes you can’t help but go into full CDC mode. Is it allergies? Is it a cold? Is it just an innocent little sneeze? Is it time to put the “Don’t you dare even think about drinking out of the same cup” protocols in place? I’m sure some will say a good parent would never let kids drink out of the same cup at any time, but there is a point where you succumb to the combination of arguments over whose cup belongs to whom, and they apparently all belong to an opportunistic two-year-old. Flesh and blood children have a way of ruining a lot of parenting theories. The reality is I have no idea who was drinking out of the Mickey Mouse cup, and I’m not really interested in figuring it out. I’m just trying to raise good kids without a day at home turning into the Hunger Games.

There are times, like when a new baby is born or when you are potty training, when bodily functions seem to be all you think or talk about. I’ve yelled to my wife in the other room, “Hey, come in here and look at this poop!” more times than I ever could have imagined. As a teenager I assumed that at this point in life it would be my sports car which got a beautiful woman’s attention, but now it turns out the fastest way for me to snag a beautiful woman’s attention is primarily by suggesting a small child’s bowel movement might not have been solid – who knew?

Despite all of the bodily function activities I’d do everything all over again, but this time I would invest in Lysol wipes too.

Odessa, TX

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