The ‘l' you say can make a word into a whole new world

When you write for a living, you really begin to appreciate the chance to play with all those words that you use over and over again.

So, for fun, you really get into puns, double meanings and any number of flexible uses for common, everyday phrases. Clever manipulation of syntax is definitely not a sin, but it can be taxing.

Naturally, you see publications that encourage reader participation in these kinds of word games. Some offer contests where you get a chance to write parodies of famous authors' styles.

But the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational is one of the more clever opportunities. The Post invites readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter and then supplying a new definition.

Here are some of the examples that have been judged winners by the newspaper in the past:
>> Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
>> Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
>> Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
>> Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
>> Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
>> Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
>> Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
>> Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
>> Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
>> Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
>> Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
>> Glibido: All talk and no action.
>> Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
>> Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

And, for good measure, the same newspaper also gives readers the chance to supply alternate meanings for common words.

Here are some the submissions:
>> Coffee: The person upon whom one coughs.
>> Flabbergasted: Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
>> Abdicate: To give up all
hope of ever having a flat stomach.
>> Esplanade: To attempt an explanation while drunk.
>> Negligent: Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
>> Lymph: To walk with a lisp.
>> Flatulence: Emergency
vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
>> Testicle: A humorous question on an exam.

And yes, one might be able to coin a new word for the practice of filling column space with words borrowed from others to prevent what otherwise would be blank space on this page. I think I'll call it pagerism.