Finding that something special, just for Mom

W hen it comes to events like birthdays, anniversaries and Mother's Day, I'm like every other male in the free world.
Can't I go shopping the day of? At least let me wait until the day before.

That usually works for me.

That's not to say, however, that last-minute gift ideas are always the best ones. Although I still don't understand why a wife wouldn't like a sewing machine as a gift.

I always thought bettering ourselves by learning a trade was a good thing.

After decades on this earth, I have learned one thing: It really pays off if you actually listen to a woman talk about what she wants before you go out and buy her a gift.

Who knew?

Since everyone in my office seems to be talking about going shopping for Mother's Day, I decided to put my own advice to work. I started thinking about all the things my own mother might appreciate for Sunday's event. (And no gritching this year about how these holidays are all invented by the floral and greeting card industries as a way to sell us something.)

And I can't think of a single thing my mom wants.

After at least 10 years, I think the Elvis theme has run its course. She has Elvis cups, Elvis road signs, Elvis puzzles, Elvis lamps, Elvis figurines, Elvis posters, Elvis clocks and Elvis dolls.

She even has the original piece to her collection: a velvet Elvis painted by an authentic Juarez artist bought about 30 years ago.
I even bought her a life-size cardboard cutout of Elvis the last time I went to Las Vegas.

How do I top that?

Besides, how would any gift say what's in your heart when it comes to your mother?

A funny Internet e-mail circulating talks about all the things we learn about from our mothers. Things like:
>> Religion: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
>> Time Travel: "I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
>> Logic: "Because I said so."
>> Consequences of our actions: "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
>> Irony: "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
>> Weather: "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
>> Hypocrisy: "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
>> Anticipation: "Just wait until we get home."
>> Justice: "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.
>> Genetics: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. I'll make another one that looks just like you."
>> Envy: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
>> Perseverance: "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

After lessons like that, what gift says thank you in just the right way?

And does just saying thanks on a Sunday in May really make up for all the times you didn't say thanks when you should have said it?

Think about it: Without moms, where would any of us be?

Hey, Mom. Thanks.