It's time for all those merry pounds and happy debts

So who’s feeling festive as the holiday season bears down on us?

Undoubtedly, there are some who are getting the spirit of the season. We’re beginning to see a few houses where Christmas decorations already have gone up. (That doesn’t count retailers who unpacked the yule gear shortly after taking down the back-to-school promotions. If you’re expecting a slimmer profit margin during the prime shopping season, the best strategy is to create a long period for spending.)

But we all know that the entire nation has been in the grip of a recession/depression/bump in the economic road.

Hey, Santa probably had to lay off some elves. And you can expect an announcement sometime real soon that 2009 will not be a traditional ho, ho, ho kind of year. The big guy is cutting back to just one ho, which creates some confusing semantics considering the contemporary definition of that simple two-letter word. But maybe somebody will produce a sleazy movie titled "Claus and the Missing Hoes." Then the Internet proceeds can be used to provide a merrier holiday season for all the good little boys and girls. And it could be Paris Hilton’s single most significant contribution to American culture if she agreed to co-star.

But first, we’ve got to get through this whole Thanksgiving thing. That’s probably doable since you don’t have to spend an arm and a leg for some turkey legs, a bit of dressing and the usual veggies and pies. The trick will be getting through the feast without the Obama Administration feeling the need to name a flab czar.

Still, it’s probably a good bet that there are whole lot of folks out there who won’t be able to enjoy all that delicious turkey day fare because the rituals awaiting the next day are giving them a tummy ache.

Yep, they call the day after Thanksgiving black Friday because business people are hoping the influx of shoppers will help put them "in the black" from a profit standpoint for the year. But you can’t blame some shoppers for thinking it represents the conditions they face to claim some of those great bargains being offered. After all, to get any of the sale items, you have to get up and out while it’s still pitch dark outside.

Now, our current economic woes have been around long enough that a certain air of realism is tempering seasonal plans for a lot of people. They’re all vowing to cut back by not purchasing all those expensive gifts that invariably end up stacked in closets because 1. they’re impractical or 2. they’re so shiny and pricey that the recipients don’t dare leave them out in plain sight where somebody might leave a fingerprint on them. Still, we all know that such resolutions almost always get broken when the credit cards start heating up.

Oh yeah, we’ve definitely got plenty to look forward to during the upcoming weeks, including the extra pounds that we invariably pack on from all the goodies and the extra debt that will show up in January.

But who cares? It’s the holiday season. Three hoes for everybody. And, of course, that is meant in the same tradition and old-timey sense that celebrants are urged to don their gay apparel. It’s difficult to keep a straight face when the holidays and modern-day vernacular collide.