Bubba's a bit worried about his quota system

Bubba Gravelhauler sounded a bit distraught when he called and asked if I could drop by the Crawl On Inn after work to discuss something.

"Mind if I ask what the subject is?"

"Just give me a little time to settle down, and I’ll tell you when you get there," he replied.

It was easier just to agree than to press him. But then I kicked it around and decided I knew what he wanted to talk about.

Several hours later, when I was able to cut loose, my pal still was a bit upset. In fact, when I sat down next to him, he was muttering, "It ain’t fair. It ain’t fair."

Before he could unload, I said, "Let me guess. One word. Tiger. Right?"

Bubba gave me a strange look. "Howdya know?"

"Hot topic," I replied. "But tell me you aren’t enraged by his supposed infidelity. As a I remember, your divorce proceedings showed you were familiar with the subject."

"Naw, that’s his business. But I done seen the photos of his wife and I find the whole thing kinda strange. But that’s not it."

"Go ahead," I urged.

"OK, this is a guy who’s got ever’thin’. He’s the best golfer in the world. He’s one of the richest people anywhere. And he’s got a beautiful wife. I already hate the guy ’cause he gripes and cusses about shots that I’d love to be able to hit. And I’d be able to live off his pocket change for the rest of my life. Plus, I don’t mind sayin’ I’d covet his wife anytime, anywhere."

I decided it wasn’t the time to ask Bubba’s definition of covet. So I just moved along. "OK, you’re jealous as hell. I get that. But what’s so upsetting."

"He’s greedy," my buddy said with a little anger. "He’s won all them major tournaments and wants more. He’s got more money than the United States, especially after all that stimulus stuff and wars and such. But he wants more. Now he’s tryin’ to corner the market on women."

I’m just shaking my head. "Surely you don’t think he’s seeing any women that fall into your category?"

Bubba laughed. "You got me there. But it’s just the idea that he’s takin’ up more than his share of ever’thin’ from money to talent to women. I’m talkin’ the tickle down thing here. If he’s hoggin’ women, it’s cuttin’ in to somebody’s territory, which means they gotta look somewhere else. And then that forces others to change their outlook. Eventually, it gets down to my level. And there ain’t many women out there who would have me in the first place."

I was somewhat tickled that Bubba was tricked by trickle-down terminology, but … well, never mind. My head hurt to think about it.

I just suggested he let it go. "You have all sorts of advantages that Tiger doesn’t. He can’t hang around in his favorite bar and get drunk. You can, and everybody says, ‘Well that’s just Bubba.’ He can’t kick the ball around in the rough to get a better lie and you can … and do ... because that’s just Bubba. You got low expectations, and he’s stuck with high expectations."

He was in a lot better mood when I left.