Interfaith relationships require strength

Santos Uvalle glanced at his wife as he thought about how to describe the first half of their marriage.
“It was hell on wheels,” the 33-year-old said.

He married his wife, Myra Uvalle, when he was 17. She was 16. They promised the usual things — for better, for worse — but they never thought getting through religious differences would be so hard.

Santos Uvalle, who works at an oil reclamation plant, grew up evangelical. Myra Uvalle, a student nurse, grew up Catholic.

“He refused to change, and I refused to change,” Myra Uvalle, 32, said.

Jason Harmeyer, pastor of volunteer ministries at CrossRoads Fellowship, said differing faiths can “play a very significant role” in a marriage.

Harmeyer, who works with married couples in their 30s, said research usually ranks religious disagreement somewhere in the top 10 causes for divorce.

“I counsel four to six couples per week dealing with relationship issues. No doubt some of that comes down to belief issues,” he said. “By the time it gets to my office, these things are inflated. You might consider it a pebble in the shoe, but these people have been walking with that pebble in their shoe for six months to a year.”

For Santos and Myra Uvalle, the pebble bounced around for a decade.

Although it can be problematic, marrying someone who doesn’t share the same faith isn’t uncommon. In fact, results from a Pew Research Institute survey reported many married couples differ when it comes to what they believe. According to the results, which came from a 2007 religion survey released by the institute last month, about 54 percent of mainline Protestants married other Protestants and 78 percent of Catholics married other Catholics.

Myra Uvalle said one of their disagreements stemmed from baptizing their children, which caused a lot of hostility between her family, who wanted it, and her husband, who didn’t. But the duo was determined to make it work.
After struggling with her faith, Myra Uvalle decided it was more important to keep her family together and remain faithful to God than to hold fast to the faith she grew up with.

“We had a change in lifestyle once we were able to read the Bible and able to agree on a church together,” Santos Uvalle said.

At first, Myra Uvalle’s family disagreed with her decision to become an evangelical.

“Then they saw the positive change in my life,” she said. “And now they support us.”

Santos Uvalle said he attended several evangelical churches with his wife and children before settling last October at CrossRoads Fellowship, a nondenom­inational church.

Myra Uvalle said their children — a 10-year-old daughter and 14-year-old son — have been able to thrive spiritually since she and her husband learned “to grow with God first and then each other.”

“The bigger picture is not about religion or where we worship,” Santos Uvalle said. “It’s about the truth. It’s about having a personal relationship with God.”

Larry and Alice Kiker, who share a similar view, knew from the start they’d have to make a decision about their mixed faith when they got married 13 years ago.

Alice Kiker, a 52-year-old personal banker at American State Bank, grew up Catholic, and Larry Kiker, a 53-year-old investigator at the Ector County Sherriff’s Office, grew up Southern Baptist. Both had experienced marriage and divorce before they found each other. And Alice Kiker, who had two young sons from her first marriage, felt it was easier for her to make the switch.

“My family was the biggest challenge,” she said. “I kept it a secret at first, because I knew it would be upsetting to them.”

When her parents came to visit from Lubbock, Alice Kiker said she would attend a Catholic church with her children while her husband attended CrossRoads Fellowship, which was called Temple Baptist Church when they began attending.

After about a year Alice Kiker ended the charade and her parents stopped contact with her for several months.
“It was the most difficult thing I had to endure,” she said, glancing at her husband who nodded in support.
Although her parents eventually decided to become part of their lives again, Alice Kiker said they never accepted her decision to give up Catholicism.

Despite the family heartache, she said she has no regrets about converting, which she felt was the right decision for her children, herself and the success of her second marriage. 

Larry Kiker said he believed the foundation must always be the church, no matter what faith married couples choose to believe or what church they choose to attend. For them, the right choice happened to be Southern Baptist.

“It’s not about the label of denomination,” he said. “It’s about having an experience with the Lord.”

For people who convert to a Protestant denomination or a similar faith, Harmeyer said it only requires a personal decision, but CrossRoads Fellowship offers a class to introduce new members to the church’s beliefs and practices.
The Rev. Mark Woodruff of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Catholic Church said Catholic churches offer a similar class to introduce new members to the faith.

Woodruff did dispel a common misconception by pointing out that the Catholic church allows mixed-faith couples to be married in the Catholic church.

“We do not ask them to convert,” Woodruff said. “We respect their faith.”