Love from start to finish

What does it mean to be a mother?

There isn't a definition broad enough to encompass it all. Being a mom is dynamic and changes as the years go on. The role mother and child play to each other evolves as both age.

Role reversal

Wanda Milligan is spoiled rotten.

She has a personal driver for her weekly hair appointments, spends her evenings watching "American Idol" and "Dancing with the Stars" and sleeps in every day.

"It's great. I have it made," Milligan laughed.

Milligan can thank her daughter Ruthann Clayton for her leisurely life.

After a lifetime of guidance, love and growth, Clayton is returning the favor to her now 86-year-old mom. Milligan moved to Lincoln Tower two years ago from Lubbock to be close to her daughter. Clayton is Milligan's caregiver, technically because she manages her mother's finances, medications and does all of her driving.

Milligan asserts she's still very independent and active, But she's not complaining about getting spoiled.

"She really has me spoiled," Milligan said about the care Clayton gives to her. "We do things (errands) together. It's a little outing for us."

A handful

Blandi Thomas is everywhere, from Permian High School football practice to Kiddie Kollege.

With three children, Cole, 17, Taler, 13, and the surprise Jake, who is 3, she and husband Alan stay busy. Thomas said revealing the surprise pregnancy to her older children solicited "wailing and sobbing" from them. Interestingly, Thomas said the children were fine when she conceded to let Cole name the baby.

Following the pregnancy announcement, the only problem was Thomas didn't have a baby item to her name and the older kids were already pretty independent. But something she did have this time were built-in baby sitters.

"It was really hard in a lot of ways because ... the kids were pretty self sufficient (when the baby came along)." Thomas said. "You get out of baby mode."

Having two boys and one girl, Thomas said she sees distinct differences in personalities and has loved every minute of watching them grow and develop.

"They're all so different, it's so amazing," Thomas said. "I had to keep telling myself (about baby Jake) that just because he's a baby boy doesn't mean he's Cole. They are definitely born with their personalities."

A long time coming

Violet Duke has been waiting a long time for Hunter Kingsley. He came Thursday at 12:30 p.m.

The first-time mom at the age of 29 has been working with children with learning disabilities at the Bynum School in Midland. But she never had her own baby or could fully understand the true bond between mother and son until now, she said.

"It's a little overwhelming. We didn't know we could feel that way about someone," Duke said about her and husband Jesse's love for their new son. "I could feel the bond as soon as I got to hold him."

The Dukes have been married for seven years and this is their first bundle of joy but say it may not be their last. Duke wanted to finish her master's degree before devoting time to being a mother.

"I resigned from my job. This will be my full-time job," Duke smiled. "The closer I got to having him, I started thinking, ‘How can I be without him?'"

A lifetime of friendship

Milligan and Clayton have a self-described "solid relationship and friendship." Neither is sure how they could make their situation work without it.

"It's really neat. I'm treasuring the time we have together," Clayton said.

As people are living longer, Milligan and Clayton's situation is becoming more common. No longer is Clayton being cared for by mommy Milligan, but the two women, both mothers, are realizing how much their roles differ from how they did 50 years ago.

"I'm blessed to have her at her age and at my age," Clayton said.

Despite being diagnosed with breast cancer in 2005 and having a double mastectomy, Milligan says it's important to keep a positive attitude.

"You've got to want to live ... I'm not through living. I've still got things I want to do," Milligan said.

All of her reports say the cancer is gone and she says she is blessed to have such a "special person" as her daughter to support and care for her during these times.

"We have a special closeness. I don't have the words to explain it," Milligan said. "We feel comfortable and happy with each other."

Time flies

Thomas said she's grateful to have had Jake because the first two grew up so fast. She also said she's learned a lot of lessons and knows there's a light at the end of the "terrible twos" tunnel.

As her children learn independence, Thomas said motherhood is the most rewarding experience she's had.

"I like everything about being a mother. It's tiring, but I liked having the opportunity to guide and instill things in my kids that are important to me."

As her children get older, she said she loves to see the things she has taught them come out in the choices they make. Thomas said she knows she's not a perfect mother and she doesn't have perfect children, but she feels she's done all she can to make her children responsible and successful adults.

"I give 110 percent to each child," Thomas said. "Something parents make a mistake about is that they think when their kids can take care of themselves, they are done. The responsibilities change and the things they need change - it becomes more moral and spiritual guidance, but (as kids get older) a parent's responsibilities become more important."

New beginnings

Duke's mom Elsa Hill was in the delivery room with her daughter when Hunter was born at Odessa Regional Medical Center and both said it is an experience they will always treasure.

Grandma Hill was already busy taking pictures for the scrapbook and making sure the Dukes had plenty of time to bond with their new son, even fetching dinner for the whole family.

In the darkened hospital room, Duke was holding her baby and thinking about all the ways her life will be different.

"It's life-changing. I am definitely not going to be number one. Everything can be on the back burner while he gets all the attention he needs," Duke said. "People kept telling me, ‘You're never going to be ready,' but I think we are ready."

The first thing the Dukes said they'll do with Hunter when he gets home is introduce him to the dog, cat and the rest of the family that couldn't make it to the birth.

Until then? "We're just waiting for the fun of diaper changing to begin," she said.