POWELL: By all accounts, my life is about to get a lot better - Odessa American: Gene Powell

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POWELL: By all accounts, my life is about to get a lot better

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Powell is former Managing Editor of the Odessa American.

Posted: Wednesday, March 31, 2010 12:00 am | Updated: 11:38 am, Fri Aug 31, 2012.

By this time next month, I’m sure to have more money than Bill Gates and Warren Buffett combined.

So far this year I’ve been named as the sole inheritor of a multimillion-dollar estate from South Africa, been selected as the executor of a will in Germany that will pay me a cool $500,000 and have won the Canadian lottery at least four times.

And that’s not to mention the million Euros I just won in the lottery drawing in "The Hague The Netherlands."

The money should start rolling in any day.

Once the first check from Canada clears, I will also have the financial foundation to join in one of the many partnerships I’ve been invited to join. It’s just a matter of time before I can split a dozen different accounts or so with people trying to get money to the United States.

And some of these will help others, too, so don’t accuse me of being selfish. I can take money from several countries in Africa, wash it through my bank account, take a wee slice for my troubles and send money back to freedom fighters in those respective countries.

I can make the world a better place and make some coin doing it. That’s what I call the best of both worlds.

I just wish I had a law license so I can take up all the cases that I’ve been solicited to be the legal solicitor in. It’s unbelievable how many people out there need my help with breach of contracts suits. Of course, I may have to work on my British accent to take those cases, but with no financial worries, I can quit my job and just watch "Fawlty Towers" and "Monty Python" reruns for hours on end.

I know I’m smart enough to be a lawyer. After all, I’m already in line to be an online minister, and I’ve been nominated for more Who’s Who lists than I care to count.

The real hard part in this will be deciding how to spend all my money.

Maybe I’ll go to the Middle East and finance more of the archeological digs to unearth more of those giant human skeletons being found over there.

Or I could develop a breed of dog that gets bigger than that Hercules dog I saw on the Internet the other day.

Maybe I could fund a foundation fighting the proposal Congress has made to euthanize everyone over the age of 60.

At the very least I’m going to buy me one of those cell phones that are so strong I can use its signal to pop popcorn. No more dropped calls for yours truly.

I better sign off now; I just got an e-mail saying there’s a guy at the airport with a $5 million box with my name on it. I’m not sure which of my "partners" paid my $350 fee for me to get this package, but I need to go get it. Seems foolish to trust someone with $5 million worth of stuff if they’re careless enough to lose my address, but who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Happy April Fool’s Day everyone.

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