HAWKINS: Valentine's Day - a youthful memory or dreaded holiday?
Valentine’s Day is a very polarizing holiday — either one single folks completely dread or one lovers consider wondrous and poignant.
The late, great Erma Bombeck once wrote she hated it when holidays meant for children were screwed up by adults.
“It is small wonder that Valentine’s Day struggles to remain a day for young lovers, a day when the human heart is made out of chocolate and naked cherubs defy the February chill to send out their arrows…” she wrote in February of 1989.
And it is true as she said that whenever adults think of Valentine’s Day they go back to their youth. They recall when they schlepped up to school with those little candy hearts and valentines for everyone in class.
Like Erma, I recall those youthful moments, specifically exchanging valentines in Mrs. Hubbard’s elementary class at Burnet Elementary. We always tried to make them rather generic. But you know there was always one card hand-picked for that special someone and one card you hoped to get from that special someone.
In elementary school, the drill was if you liked someone of the opposite sex, you never spoke to them. You only communicated through others, via notes and of course on Valentine’s Day. But on that day, when those cards were exchanged, with envelopes filled with candy hearts that said “Be Mine” or “I Love You” we exchanged nervous glances and we knew at least for that day we had a childhood sweetie.
Over the years, I have received dozens of roses and gifts commemorating this wonderful holiday. My personal favorites were the handmade cards from my sweet daughters when they were little — Like a colored piece of construction paper with my daughter’s handprint on it or a necklace made of pasta.
The late humorist Lewis Grizzard was a little more jaded in his view of the holiday. He was concerned that it had become a holiday for sellers of diamonds and folks who thought it wasn’t Valentine’s Day without the guy giving furs, diamonds and an all-expense paid trip to Acapulco.
He referenced getting through Thanksgiving, Christmas and even Groundhog’s day (which he said was his favorite holiday).
“Finally, then, the holiday season is over. You’re broke, you’ve gained 15 pounds, you’ve thrown up on your best friend’s wife, but it’s clear sailing until Easter…” he wrote in February of 1988.
“Then out of nowhere comes Valentine’s Day. You know that because the diamond people start and advertising blitz…”
Grizzard said if guys would quit giving women stuff that needed to be financed or hauled home in a truck, maybe that would stop the expensive gift giving and maybe guys would be off the hook.
Well now there is the Internet, and forgetful guys (and gals) can go on and get ideas for all kinds of stuff – more than just flowers and candy. Pajamas, teddy bears, spa treatments and romantic getaways they are all available at your fingertips.
But there are some weird things on the list too.
A search for unusual Valentine’s gifts came up with some pretty strange stuff, like a campaign by the Bronx Zoo to name one of its 58,000 hissing cockroaches after your sweetie.
Gals, if your husband or sweetie even tries to give you this one, I would hiss back and offer “get a good lawyer.”
But my peeve is guys giving stuff to their sweetie that they want.
Here is my list for other off-limits gifts so pay attention. Lawn mowers, leaf blowers, ceiling fans, washers, dryers and vacuum cleaners are off limits – guys.
And come on, get creative – no one wants a heart-shaped box of chocolates; get something different — like a lobster dinner for two, to go.
Simple is good, too.
“A loaf of bread, a bottle of wine and thou.”
If you haven’t got a “thou,” look on the bright side: at least you don’t have to split the bottle.
