Growing the church in lessons of love and marriage

From modest twin beds in the bedroom to open talk about sex before marriage – compare any footage from television and film from the 1950s to today, and you’ll notice an evident difference in what passes as the societal norms for relationships.

According to the Pew Research Center, trends in the past 50 years have shown a decline in traditional forms and attitudes in marriage.

St. Luke’s United Methodist Church is hoping to restore the public’s faith in marriage, as well as bring more people into their church, with their latest lecture series, “Love, Sex and Marriage.”

“God has instituted marriage as a way for making people not be alone; it’s a companionship,” the Rev. Brad Bennett, St. Luke’s pastor, said. “It’s not good for people to be alone in this world.”

The lecture series spans six weeks, with two sets of services already devoted to topics on the meaning of marriage and the differences on what men and women want. Several services will be based on an in-house relationship survey, Bennett said. The series ends Feb. 11.

“It’s just helping us to see ourselves in a different light,” St. Luke’s member Cathy Hoggard said. “It helps me to look at my husband’s point of view a little bit better.”

The lecture series began shortly after the Pew Research Center released results from a 50-year survey, which tracked demographic trends on marriage and cohabitation.

Only 26 percent of “twenty-somethings” were married in 2008 compared to 68 percent in 1960. Adversely, 27 percent of those never married were already living with their partners in 2008, while only 15 percent of those never married in 1960 lived together before marriage.

Thirty-nine percent of respondents in 2008 also said that marriage is becoming obsolete, compared to 28 percent in 1978, according to the survey.

Bennett said though many of the Pew results do not necessarily apply to many of the older congregation at St. Luke’s, the lecture series’ message is not about the legalities of marriage but the love and commitment found in the institution.

“Marriage is more than a piece of paper. We could do without the paper and be married,” Bennett said. “It’s not about the legal documents, when it comes down to it. It’s about people committed to life and finding satisfaction and happiness. For many people that is the definition of marriage.”

Bennett added that even if his congregants did choose non-traditional forms of “marriage,” such as living together but not getting married, the church will continue to support them.

“We aren’t out to condemn everyone that lives a different way,” Bennett said. “The church teaches that it’s good to be married and that marriage is for life. But, we understand a lot of folks don’t choose that way. In our congregation, we certainly support them.”

But the lecture series is more than just a way to talk about relationships. At St. Luke’s, the lectures introduce the church to non-congregants.

“The idea is that we bring people to church. We know certain kinds of topics the Bible speaks about and the world talks about,” Bennett said. “If that (relationships) is what people are talking about, the church can also be part of that conversation.”

The series is just the first of many in St. Luke’s new partnership with Church of the Resurrection in Leawood, Kan., as part of a pilot program with three other churches.

Through the partnership, Church of the Resurrection, a congregation of around 17,000 members, helps smaller churches, like St. Luke’s with an active congregation of 80 people, get the resources and content needed to build their membership.

So during regular worship services, lectures like the “Love, Sex and Marriage” series are presented by Church of the Resurrection’s pastor, the Rev. Adam Hamilton, via an internet video stream, instead of Bennett.

“We’re looking at restructuring the geography of the church. Why not use today’s technology to make our ministries more vital?” Bennett said. “If this works, after a couple of years, as St. Luke’s grows, we will partner with other smaller churches.”

The series is already working for the small church, Hoggard said, which has featured new and familiar faces among the pews in the past two weeks of the series.

“We’ve had a young couple who married about seven or eight months ago come back to church,” Hoggard said. “This is their home and they both feel like they belong here, but it was the series that prompted them to come back.”

@OAcitylife

“Love, Sex and Marriage” Schedule

• Sunday: “The Significance of Sexual Intimacy.”
• Jan. 29: “What Destroys and What Heals Relationships.”
• Feb. 5: “The Seasons of Marriage and Rediscovering Love.”
• Feb. 11: “The Habits of Those Who Love for a Lifetime.”