Tips for helping your child deal with bullying

B ullying is a common experience for many children and adolescents. According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, surveys indicate that as many as half of all children are bullied at some time during their school years, and at least 10 percent are bullied on a regular basis.

Talk with your child. Don't blame your child for the bullying. Don't assume your child did something to provoke the bullying. Allow your child to talk about their bullying experiences. Empathize with your child. If you disagree on how your child handled the situation, don't criticize as you may stop your child from further discussion or from talking with you about this in the future. Ask questions to help lead them to alternative responses to the same situation.

Help your child be prepared by practicing what to say and do in a bullying situation in the future. When confronted by a bully, teach your children to look the bully in the eye and say firmly something like: "No, I don't like that," "Don't say that to me" or "Do not call me names." Then your child should turn and walk away. It's hard for the bully to keep on bullying someone who won't stand still to listen to them. Help your child practice being assertive. Simply insisting that the bully leave them alone may have a surprising effect on the bully since the bully's goal is to get a response from your child. After your child has told the bully once to stop the behavior, future attempts at talking with the bully may only increase the bullying. Teach your child to ignore the bully - not making contact and checking their emotions.

Help your child learn to show that they are not upset or angry. Bullies are expecting your child to react, which fuels their desire to keep bullying. Help your child have more of a "I don't care" attitude about the bullying. The less your child is invested in what is going on, the less it will affect them in the long run.

Do not encourage physical retaliation. Children need to learn that problems are not solved by being physical. This usually makes the situation worse, your child may get hurt and or blamed for starting the trouble. At the least, both your child and the bully will probably get in trouble which is not the goal for handling bullying. If your child has been physically attacked, let them know it is important to tell an adult in authority so that the adults in charge can be watching and helping to handle the situation.

Your child should avoid being alone where they know the bully is likely to pick on them. It is harder for the bully to pick on you if you have a friend with you for support. Encourage your child to be with friends when traveling back and forth from school or on school outings. Bullies are less likely to pick on a child in a group.

In more serious situations, have your child keep a diary of what is happening. Write down details of the incidents. A written record of the bullying makes it easier to prove what has been going on.

Parents, you may be thinking, "But my child does not have friends or has difficulty making friends." Help your child by role playing in making friends. Allow your children to have children over so that they can learn the social skill of making friends. Get your children involved in activities where they can make positive friends and that build self-confidence and self-esteem.

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