The joy of parenting young children

Would you like to re-discover the joy of parenting your young 2- to 10-year-old child?

If kids are being difficult, and parents feel they don't have control anymore, then through the play process the parent can step in and give the child an opportunity to make choices and help their child learn and apply problem-solving skills. With this young age group, some of the most effective and teachable moments are when parents are playing with them.

The world of play is vast. It can include puppets, art, sand, games or any other vehicle that allows the parent to model positive behavior and to teach problem solving and making good choices to their child.

During play, the parent should acknowledge the child's feelings, wishes or wants while setting limits and exploring choices. Verbalize to your child the feeling they are expressing with their words or the feeling you see on their face.

An example of verbalizing your child's feeling might be to say, "I see you are very excited about that" or "I see that you are angry that you're not allowed do that."

It may seem a bit artificial, and you may even think talking to your child in that way is silly. It may feel a bit awkward, but I know I respond better to a request when my feelings are acknowledged and validated. The same rule of thumb is true for our kids. Making these statements will help your child to know that their feelings are being heard. Sometimes, just recognition of their feelings is enough for the child to accept the limit set by the parent, and they will comply with the parent.

Communicating specific limits helps to determine what behavior is acceptable or unacceptable. With specific limits set, the parent must also target acceptable alternatives that the child may make. An example might be, "The wall is not for drawing on. You may choose to draw on the paper or on the marker board."

Such a statement does not target the child but targets the child's behavior. Parents should emphasize the child's effort rather than the product the child has completed. Encouraging the effort rather than the end product that the child has done encourages the child to continue expanding their environment and to try new challenges.

During this playful interaction, the focus is on the parent-child relationship. This relationship is the vehicle for changing the child's negative behavior into more positive behavior.

The playing process can help the parent look beyond the child's behavior and see the child for who they are and not for the immediate problems they're causing.

Young children often don't have the words to express their feelings and will act out in aggressive ways. Play is children's natural language of communication and through play, young children are able to convey their feelings and their needs to those they most want to understand them.

Giving your child uninterrupted attention during a playful interaction of responding to their needs, encouraging their efforts, targeting alternatives and setting limits when necessary can help your child build their self-esteem and to develop self control by allowing the child a safe environment in which to make choices and to experience victories and to accept consequences.

About Centers
>> Centers for Children and Families is a nonprofit agency dedicated to building strong, healthy families in the Permian Basin.
>> Visit the Centers' website at www.centers westtexas.org
>> To suggest a future topic, e-mail mmcqueen@centerswesttexas.org