BRIDAL Q&A: May 8, 2011
>> Question: “Do the bridesmaids have to be involved in the bridal shower?”
>> Answer: I would think the bridesmaids would want to be involved in the parties/ showers. It is customary for the maid/matron of honor to host a bridal shower, but if for some reason she is unable or unwilling someone else (preferably not a close member of the bride’s family) can do so. Other than the maid/matron of honor, there is no bridal shower requirement for the bridesmaids. If a bridesmaid does not want to be involved, I would question whether she is the best choice for a bridesmaid. The bride needs supportive, selfless ladies with her not only on the wedding day, but leading up to wedding day. Things get tense and stressful and she needs to have ladies to rely upon and help ease her burdens and calm her nerves. Perhaps there is a genuine reason the bridesmaid does not wish to be involved — she is financially unable to contribute to the shower or has some other restriction prohibiting her contribution. If so, then it would be acceptable for that bridesmaid to remain in the wedding party and simply not participate in the hosting of the bridal shower. If she simply wishes to withhold participation for a selfish reason, I would advise replacing her as soon as possible. Attitudes rarely improve as the wedding day approaches. The bride and groom will need all the support possible and a grumpy, selfish bridesmaid simply does not fit the bill.
>> Question: “I was asked to be in a friend’s wedding. I really can’t afford it. How do I tell her?”
>> Answer: If possible, have a face to face conversation. Too often people resort to text messaging entire conversations that really should be had in person, or at least over the phone. I like the convenience of texting as much as anyone, but you cannot interpret someone’s tone or inflection. Misunderstandings are rampant. In order to avoid hurt feelings, have a verbal conversation. Explain, briefly, that you simply cannot afford any additional expenses at this time. Be careful not to make your financial situation her problem. Everyone has problems, issues, and circumstances. And everyone tends to think they have it a little harder than everyone else. Tell her you love, treasure the friendship, and wish you could be in the wedding, but you simply can’t. I am certain she will understand. No reasonable person would expect an attendant to go into debt to be in the wedding. If she does not understand, you may need to reevaluate the friendship.
