Bridal Q&A: No kids allowed

>> Question: “Is it OK to ask for no children to attend my formal wedding? And if I do, will I have to provide a babysitter?”

>> Answer: This is no doubt a touchy issue, and you are bound to offend someone.

I suggest you first decide if it is worth the plausible risk of offense based upon how many children you think might attend the wedding. Weddings are, after all, family affairs and there are people who will skip the wedding if they cannot bring their children.

I strongly suggest you consider providing child care during the ceremony in lieu of specifically uninviting children. Most parents’ worst nightmare is to have their child be the screamer during the ceremony and would be grateful for your preparation. For a marginal cost, you can hire a child care provider and not offend your relatives and close friends.

Should you decide to gently inform your guests of your “no children” wishes, I suggest you do so via the invitation. Proper etiquette does in fact dictate that if the names are not specified on the inner envelope, that person is not invited to the wedding. For example: If you are inviting a married couple with children and the children are NOT invited to the wedding, the outer envelope is addressed to Mr. and Mrs. James Jones and the inner envelope is addressed in the exact same way. An invitation for a married couple with children and the children ARE invited to the wedding is addressed to Mr. and Mrs. James Jones on the outer envelope and Mr. and Mrs. James Jones with the specific names of those family members listed on the inner envelope.

Please remember to use common sense, courtesy and thoughtfulness in all you do. Should someone arrive with children in tow, be gracious. You don’t want to ruin a friendship over this and it is too late to do anything about it. To make a scene only makes you appear like bridezilla. One day you may have children and feel differently — or maybe not. You never want to have to eat your words, be they written or spoken.